Ja nüüd tundub nagu oleks miski kadunud. Miski aimatav, mille soojendavast olemasolust on jäänud vaid valus ja külm tühik. Vist.

Ai.

Mis tähendab, et varsti ma saan jälle kirjutada.

just like I am (landon pigg)

hey hey, how am I supposed to love you if I don't even know you?

hey hey, how am I supposed to know you if I can't even love you?

Dark-adapted eyes don't need light.

...and my life just slips away, as I wait to gaze into them, like it's just going to happen.

(trembling blue stars - dark eyes)

Autopiloot. Hmm. Päh.

...aga samas Emiliana Torrini - Today has been ok. Ei tea, kas ma päriselt ka usun.

And she's still fighting for somebody else's life.

Somebody else's castletime.

It will never ever never be.

Hah!

"The gods are just, and of our pleasant vices

make instruments to plague us."

William Shakespeare, King Lear, 5.3.172

(L)

Her Morning Elegance
The Man Who Isn't There
The Opposite Side Of The Sea
Locked In A Room
Ruby Rises
A Dream Within A Dream
Trouble Don't Rhyme
A Short Goodbye
Don't Let Your Hair Grow Too Long
Blue Smile
Unhidden Track: Quarter past Wonderful

And I have it all... *ohkab õndsalt*

I won't let my hands get too cold. I promise.

Oren Lavie - Her Morning Elegance

her morning elegance she wears
the sound of water makes her dream
awoken by a cloud of steam
she pours a daydream in a cup
a spoon of sugar sweetens up
















Aitäh M'le selle eest - we had life before... I think xD

Tänane õnnelause: armastus võidab kõik.

you pretend you're high
you pretend you're bored
you pretend you're anything
just to be adored
and what you need
is what you get

don't believe in fear
don't believe in faith
don't believe in anything
that you can't break

you stupid girl
you stupid girl
all you had you wasted
all you had you wasted

what drives you on what drives you on
can drive you mad can drive you mad
a million lies to sell yourself
is all you ever had

don't believe in love
don't believe in hate
don't believe in anything
that you cant waste

you stupid girl
you stupid girl
can't believe you fake it
can't believe you fake it

don't believe in fear
don't believe in pain
don't believe in anyone
that you can't tame

you stupid girl
you stupid girl
all you had you wasted
all you had you wasted

you stupid girl
you stupid girl
can't believe you faked it
can't believe you faked it

you stupid girl
you stupid girl
can't believe you'd fake it
can't believe you'd fake it

you stupid girl

And is no more.

..and god in whose wings 
I hoped simple flowers 
oil spread upon the face 
of a wooden moon 
the loss 
unreal, empty 
the seat the seal 
white sheets unblooded 
proof of touchless dawn 
picked at sunlight
snow, longing, love and stones 
and slip as your dark eyes 
eclipsed me all
you smiled, the pool is empty 
pale form of joy 
without you there's no morning dawn 
no arise, no rose lies 
beyond the smudged sky of your eyes 
but lillies hide
like snow fading oceans 
sealife dazzling with tiny lights 
as the river is the sea 
and is no more 
while clouds drift by 
while flowers die 
god I heard them say it's love 
I dreamed your eyes reflect my blood



(Michael Cashmore - How god moved at twilight)

Have you heard the news? Bad things come in twos.

Eile öösel kui ma võõral rõdul suitsu tegin, sulgesin silmad ja kõlas nagu kevadine mahl puudes oleks voolama hakanud. Aga lõhn polnud õige.

Mu linn on jõe ääres
juured surunud maasse
ja enam ei lahku,
jõgi on tema ja
tema on jõe

oma

'til life do
us part.

Dam-dava-dam.

Hakkan lõhestuma. Liiga suured erinevused nendes rollides, mida enesele märkamatult elama olen hakanud. Ja ma ei teagi, miks. Tundub nagu ei hooliks enam, aga kui hakkan ära hajuma, siis hoian ikkagi lauaservast kahe käega kinni ja surun jalad tugevalt vastu maad. Mis see siis nüüd jälle oli? Arvasin, et see skisohood on möödas. Epic, järelikult. Endiselt. 

I'd really need to have no envy no fear.

some are reaching few are there, wandering from a heros chair,
some are scared to fly so high, well this is how we have to try

have no envy and no fear, have no envy, no fear

brother brother we all see, your hiding out so painfully,
see yourself come out to play, a lovers rain will wash away

you envy and you fear, so have no envy, no fear

when your sister turns to leave, only when she's most in need,
take away the cause of pain, by showing her were all the same

have no envy and no fear, have no envy and no fear

and every day we try to find, we search our hearts and our minds,
the place we used to call our home, can't be found when we're alone

so have no envy, no fear, have no envy and no fear

Kõrvaklappidest kiirgab rahu ja samas melanhoolia. Raamatutes kaon ise üldse ära. Mis on ka meeldiv vaheldus (odd as this might sound, I suppose I'm glad...), kuigi tagasi tulla on raske, sest mitmed reaalsed ning ebareaalsed nüansid (...to be newborn and for him to see me mended) on liiga tihedalt põimunud, et neid ilma mustrit lõhkumata harutada. Eks näis, mis saab.

Ja käed jäävad rippu...

... ja see tuli ka vahva ju.

once more you open the dooryou're here in my heartand my heart will goooooooon aaaannd oooon

[Celine Dion kummitab. Košmaar.]

Aga ühel päeval. Mitte ühelgi kindlal päeval käisin pildijahil. Saak:

Another epic fail.

Sõnaots juba suust paistis, olin valmis ühele onule ütlema, et - "palun siin on teie jalg". Tal oli protees.

Palun, siin on kellegi jalad. Mhmhm.

Eile hommikul lõpuks ometi bussist Tartusse astudes lõi hinge kinni. Süütasin kiiresti sigareti, et soojem oleks sisse hingata. Kohe, kui varju käest päikese kätte sattusin, jäin pimedaks. Kontrastid olid nii tugevad, et piirilkõnd oli valus- kõik tundus nii sisselõikavalt terav olevat, et kartsin pooleks minna.

Täna samamoodi. Aga eilsele otsustamatusele mõeldes valisin päikese ja prillid. Mugav ja soe.

Kodust väljudes oli jälle liputamispäev... Mis puhul siis küll? Hiljem selgus, et ma ei saanud arugi, et täna on 2. veebruar. Fail.

Homme tööl jälle pikalt. Aga järjest soojemaks läheb...